Disclaimer: post follows no logical flow

Well hello there, blog world!

I have to keep this short - my Mother is trying to talk to me about the recession - I hate it when she talks to me when I'm obviously doing something else! That being said, I do love the woman. I digress, I digress! On to my list...

- Didn't end up going out on Saturday, so have been back on track for 4 days now - 4 days! - and it's only Tuesday - Tuesday! What, you may ask, got in the way of me of having a fab time bar hopping and cajoling with other twenty somethings? Um, hell freezing over got in the way. Picture this: girl gets all dolled up for a night out on the town (that would be me), only to open her door to the storm of the century. Ok, maybe not the storm of the century, but I'm not going out in freaky, blizzard, freezing weather thank-you-very-much.

- Yesterday was actually kind of high calorie wise - only about 250 calories over my target range for a non-workout day, so nothing to loose sleep over, but still, could have been better. I think it's because my period is coming next week and I always get the munchies a week before it comes. Uh, yeah, didn't feel like being discreet.

* I just snapped at my Mother, probably shouldn't have done that ... *

Also, who loves the play-by-play tonight? I do!

Side note: who from Canada watches the show "Being Erica?" Probably no one because no one really reads this. But if you should - watch it. Phe-nom-en-al show.

- Today wasn't too bad - ate a smidgen more than I should have, but got in a good workout this morning, so I ain't complaining. However, tomorrow and Friday I really want to buckle down - I'm talking 1550 calories/day buckle down. Another thing I want to do - eat less processed foods.

Ok, this post is a shmorgeshboard of emotion - ending it now.

Post-binge thoughts

Wow. Yesterday I went wiiild with my eating - 3,500 calories wild! I didn't even know it was possible to each that much! Well, looks like it is. I have never tracked one of my binges before, preferring instead to pretend that they just "never happen". Well happened they did and now I feel like a whale and a half. I guess I should just chalk it up to a learning experience - now that I know how much I'm consuming, I'm going to cut - it -out - for - ev - er.

So, in terms of my January goals, I'm going to count last night as 2 high calorie days. That's what happens when you eat more than 2 times your daily intake - ice cream will be the death of me. So that brings me down to 7 of 10 high calorie days used - and it's only January 17th! Egads! Tonight is going to be high as well, but I can probably keep it within range if I:

1. Burn over 500 calories at the gym today;
2. Keep my calories low (hopefully go into the night at 1,300 calories - totally doable considering it's 11:10 AM and I've just had breakfast - God bless Saturday mornings); and,
3. Limit myself to 5 drinks over the course of the evening.

I've also found that I've had to make some adjustments to my daily routine to keep myself sane. For example, if I eat less than 1,500 calories per day (that includes about 100 - 200 calories from vegetables), I'm ravenous the next. Here is my new, updated plan:

1. Consume 1,500 - 1,700 calories per day - between 1,500 and 1,600 on non-gym days, and between 1,600 - 1,700 on gym days.
2. Work out 4 times per week - Sundays, Tuesdays (personal trainer), Thursdays (Spinning Class), and Saturdays.
3. Bring my lunch to work 2 times per week - I brought my lunch 3 times this week and it was great - delicious, nutritious, and fast - love it!
4. Sleep for 7 hours per night - espeically when I'm getting up at 5:30 AM to work out the next day.
5. Drink more water each day!
6. Walk more! --> Disclaimer: this will be hard to do when it's -25 C outside (yes, I do live in the coldest place on earth - not really, but feels like it with the windchill).

As for a weekly update, I actually had a pretty sh*tty week - one of my really good friends in the same industry as me got laid off and is now stuck in the States with a Visa that expires in 2 weeks and a lease that she has to pay for another 7 months. Horrible, horrible situation. I feel terrible for her!! It's really hit home for me, as well - what if I get laid off? What if I'm suddenly without a job? I've already earned enough to pay off my line of credit, so I'm good and covered for that. I also owe my Father X amount of $$$s, but thankfully the money I'll get back from taxes will cover the bulk of it.

Anyways, point of the story is: after hearing about my friends unfortunate situation, I've decided that I'm not going to move out by March 1st. Maybe April 1st, but even then, I want to have all my bases covered before I do. And I'm not just saying this for monetary reasons, either. If I was to get laid off, I would not want to feel tied to a place in Toronto - I would probably get up and leave on the next plane to Asia/Europe/South America. Or apply to Grad School. Or... or... so many things I could do! Please, God - don't let them lay me off!! But at least if it does happen I'll have a phenomenal back up plan - and the resources to make it happen.

Oh! And I've been in regular contact with the boy from Chicaaago. He's pretty cute - looks like I'm going to see him when I go down for training in Feb., too - keep your fingers crossed for me - that I'll still have my job in Feb. and that if I do, he'll still want to see me!!

Alright, have to get on with my day - lots to do, lots to do!

Back to the grind

Well, I've officially been back at work for 3 full days now - amazing how times flies! Wednesday "hump day" has come and gone - in 24 hours it will practically be the weekend again. And last weekend was so much fun. Oh, how I love Chicago. What a wonderful city full of wonderful people with wonderful things to do. Can't wait to go back in February. That's right, you heard (er, read?) me correctly - I'm heading back down to the windy city for 2 weeks and 3 weekends in about 5 weeks - the countdown is on. Hopefully I'll be able to see that cute guy again :) Pretty sure I just jinxed myself.

I have been SparkPeople-ing it up like it's my job since Sunday. The past 4 days I have been 110% on track - I even managed to squeeze in 2 great workouts despite coming down with a cold. I'm even going to go to the gym tomorrow morning - actually, I was only thinking of going to the gym tomorrow, but now that I've written it down I'm committed to going. And I can't go after work tomorrow evening, as I have plans to meet a friend for drinks.

A few things have really been bugging me lately. I need to get them off my chest so here I go:

- Moving out. I'm scared sh*tless to do it. I know it's something I really want to do and have planned for, but what happens if I get laid off? What then? Can I cancel my lease if necessary? If I have a bad day at work, can I still call home? Will I be lonely all on my own? Can I really afford a new couch? Should I get a bachelor to save some extra moula? Will I still be able to do everything I want with the financial burden of rent? Obviously I still have a lot to think about on this front.
- The boy from Chicago. I really like him. I mean I really, really like him. I hope I get to see him again! Why am I so boy crazy? I wish there was a little switch on my forehead or something that could turn me asexual - I spend waaay too much time worrying about guys and obsessing over them. Please God, let me chill out for a while. I'm begging you.

Ok, so I guess those are only 2 things, but STILL. They're weighing on me like a ton of bricks. And all I want to do is eat my feelings. But I won't - not tonight.

UGH! I just want to crawl out of my skin!! Why oh why am I so anxsty? At 22 I should be through with this, right?!?!

Looking forward to 2009

Wow - what a trip! I flew home from Chicago yesterday evening and have been recovering ever since then. I had the best time there - the sights, the shopping, the clubs, ... but above all, I had a fantastic time hanging out with one of my best friends and meeting so many cool, new people. In fact, I had such a great time I think I might go back before mid-February, when I'm scheduled to go back down for work for 2 weeks. And no, this is not just because of the super cute guy I met on New Years (and then saw again on Friday!)...

Now, you'll notice that I haven't posted my daily menus for the past few days. Fear not - I'm going to post today's momentarily and it's been a great day (calorie count around 1,400 and 60 minutes of exercise). My last 4 days in Chicago were a total blur, and unfortunately tracking everything I ate became less of a priority as the days wore on. I know that all 4 days were high calorie ones, but I was able to offset some of the damage by squeezing in a good 3 workouts (45 minutes of spinning on Tuesday; 60 minutes of kick boxing on Wednesday; and, 8 minutes of cardio and a 45 minute weight class on Friday). My friend is a member of the nicest gym I've ever seen, called Equinox. No wonder she's looking so great these days - I would want to live at that gym if I was a member!

I've been looking forward to this post since January 1st, as there are some goals I want to set for myself for the New Year. My year-long goals are as follows:

1. Move out.
2. Join a new gym (but not until I move out).
3. Have more fun! For the past few months I've been a serious slump - adjusting to the "real world" was considerably more difficult than I thought it was going to be. I want to add more "fun" to each day - whether it be trying new exercise classes, chatting to a friend on the phone, or planning more trips. Something I've realized about myself is that I always need something to look forward to - my trip to Chicago was a prime example of this. It was just the push I needed to get back to my fun-loving ways!
4. Enjoy being single. I think I'm well on my way there, but not where I would like to be just yet. For years I've been a "boyfriend girl" - you know, the type of girl who always has to have a guy on the go. I want to be truly happy with myself before I start into my next relationship. I still have a lot of growing up to do.
5. Save money in little ways. For example, buy less expensive face products, fewer fancy drinks at Starbucks, over the top purchases (did I really need the dress that Miley Cyrus wore in her "The 7 Things I Hate About You" video? Probably not...), etc.
6. Get a freaking handle on my binge eating once and for all. Note to self: stop eating when you're sad/stressed out/bored/over tired. Got it?! Good.

Time for my January goals:
1. Aim for only 10 high-calorie days (calorie count over 1,600 and no more than 2,700 - I know it sounds like a lot, but I need to start somewhere). I've already used 3 of these, so this is going to be quite the challenge for me.
2. Exercise 5 times/week. This is one more workout per week than I'm used to.
3. Try new types of exercise, like spinning and yoga.
4. Eat less non-processed foods. New food rule I saw in this month's issue of Shape: do not eat foods that contain more than 3 ingredients I don't know (or can pronounce).
5. Bring my lunch to work at least once/week.

My ultimate goal for January is to get my weight down to 145 lbs again. Before I head back to Chicago in mid-February I want to be 143 lbs. Wish me luck!!

Hello from the Windy City!

Don't have time to post much right now, as I'm on my way out to do some shopping on Magnificent Mile. That's right - I'm in Chicago visiting a friend until Saturday. Flew down yesterday morning and am having a fantastic time!

You'll notice that I ate wayyy over my calorie limit yesterday, but I've posted it nonetheless for all to see. I figure doing this will motivate me to stay on course for the rest of the week. That being said, my goal for this week is not to loose but to maintain, so I'm not going to get too flustered over an extra 1,000 calories here or there. Actually, that does seem like a lot - better lay off the baked tortilla chips today! Wish me luck!

2008 in review

I saw this on another blog, and it being a gray, snowy Boxing Day, I figured it was a good time to give it a shot.

2008 in 30 words a.k.a. 2008: the highest highs and the lowest lows (why 30? Anyways...)

Springtime in Europe
Break-up, cry, hurt
Graduate, move home
Trip of a lifetime: HK, China, Australia, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia
NY Fashion Week
He moves on
Start work, life changes
First death
Attitude shift

Ok, that wasn't exactly 30 words, but I think it gives a nice summary of my 2008, and that's the point of the exercise, isn't it?

Overall, I'm going to label 2008 a "growth" year for me - a lot of great things happened, but a lot of really sh*tty things did, too. The highest highs? Travelling - I visited 3 new continents this year alone. The lowest lows? 2 major losses: the end of my first serious relationship in March and the death of my grandmother in November. To be honest, I spent much of the year mourning the passing of the first of these 2, and I'm finally getting sick of it. He's moved on, so why shouldn't I? I'm not going to let it get me down anymore, and that's why I ended my "synopsis" with "Attitude shift" - I'm determined to start 2009 on the right foot.

By the way - my eating wasn't perfect last night, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Today I'm back to tracking my calories, and am determined to make it to the gym for a good old fashioned sweat session. No malls for me, thankyouverymuch.

Giving into Christmas temptation...

Egads! The past 24 hours have been out of control!! Cookies, cakes, booze, chocolates, ... and the list goes on. But enough is enough. I need a plan to get me through the rest of today, so that tomorrow morning I can wake and be proud of myself for taking (some) control of my eating.

For the rest of day I vow to:

Behave like the person I want to become.

That means:
- Only eating when I'm hungry
- Making healthy choices
- Enjoying a glass or 2 of wine and not feeling guilty about it
- Focusing on having a good time with my friends and family, and not on "how fat I think I'm getting"

I'm sick of living this life. I'm sick of hating myself for binge eating. Christmas is a time when we do nice things for other people, so why don't I turn the tables around and do something nice for myself, as well?